You ask me have I given up on God. I reply, I have been surrounded by agnostics all of my life. Believing in God has always made me an outcast among the people I love. How am I to continue to worship a God that separates me from my family in life and upon my death? I think I would rather wander around purgatory with my loved ones. How can heaven be the goal if I leave my family behind? A healthy and happy family life is all I ever dreamed of having. My goal was to give my children the stability that I did not have.
I still believe in God, a holy power, prayer, a divine king, but my thoughts on life after death include more than heaven and hell. Perhaps I will live again and again until I get it right. But in case there is only this one life to live, I want to love my family completely and deeply regardless of their beliefs. I do not want to force them to believe in something that does not make them feel complete and comfortable in their own skin. Also, I am open minded enough to acknowledge that they may have it right and I have it wrong.....all I really want is to love, be loved and accepted...it seems so simple, but it's not.